Life Lessons from James T.---Part 2

          This second lesson I'm sharing is James' advice on buying a new vehicle.  Pam and I had actually bought one of his older cars shortly after our son, Aaron, was born.  Aaron was two months premature, born in a very hot month of June.  We didn't have air conditioning in our house, our car (an old VW), or our pickup.  We bought a car with air conditioning he had traded in so Aaron wouldn't die from the heat.  I still recall the joy of getting to a destination---school, church, etc.---without a soaked shirt, blown hair (I had some then), or one sunburned arm! 

          Years passed, our financial situation improved, and we started dreaming about traveling in more comfort and style in a new minivan.  Now, we still think twice about thinking twice before buying practically anything, so this dream seemed extravagant.  Pam and I started having conversations on just how the new van would improve our lives and, strangely, save us money in the long run without the need for costly repairs.  Of course, we would also rush back to the safety of doing nothing.  It was with a few weeks of these thoughts and conversations, I approached James for "advice" on our "dilemma."

          I explained all the angles, arguments, and possibilities we had been discussing, and very similar to my boot story, was hoping for his clear support for such a well laid out solution.  

         For those of you who never knew the James from back then, you might be surprised to learn how good a listener he was.  And unlike so many people I've known---including myself quite often---he really listened.  I can see him clearly right now leaning against his truck in our driveway letting me drone on without interruption.  When I finished, he gave me his advice that has stayed with me.

          "Rick, a man can never really justify buying a brand new car or truck.  It's always cheaper to buy a used one even if it needs some work.  It's not about what you need but rather what you want.  If you want a new car and can afford it, buy it without remorse or guilt.  Enjoy the whole process, but never kid yourself that it's about saving money."

          Well, we bought a van a few weeks after that conversation.  One of the best decisions we ever made.  We loved the size, the comfort, the much improved safety, the ease of use, and the look!  Just as the boot story had a much greater application than only for work clothes, so too did this advice on buying things.  We still think long and hard, studying reviews and reports before buying practically anything, but once we decide we don't look back.  We enjoy the new whatever!

Life Lessons from James T. Part 1

          My father-in-law, James Thomas Beavers, Sr., passed away in May of this year.  While the fragility of his later years (he lived to be 94.5) were hard on him, especially after his beloved wife Hazel died, he was in so many ways a role model to me throughout the 30+ years I knew him.  I will not try to describe all those years in a single post; nor will I worry about ordering the memories and "lessons" I will share.  Suffice to say that I think of him often and have tried harder to recall the man I first met and how much he helped us all.

          One of the very first lessons James T. shared with me has remained fresh and useful all my life since.  You might expect the topic to be philosophical in nature, say on how to raise a son (we actually had many disagreements on this topic), but it was actually over a need for a pair of work boots.  Pam and I had moved from Memphis to a small farm in Lawrence County near Westpoint, Tennessee (one store and a post office).  I had worked on my father's family farm near Corinth, Mississippi on almost every weekend and several weeks of the summer while growing up in Memphis.  It is important to note that rocks aren't that common in either Memphis or Northeast Mississippi.  I worked outside for all my teen years and can't recall owning a pair of boots.  I just wore tennis shoes, canvas like everyone else.  Lawrence County soil was quite literally a much tougher nut to crack!  Our 1/4 acre garden looked much like a moonscape and digging holes for a clothesline required hours with a shovel, producing holes substantially wider than necessary just to get the proper depth.  Tennis shoes were not cutting it.  I was pretty poor growing up, so I almost always chose the cheapest possible avenue on any purchase (my brother Rubel made me look like a wild spendthrift by comparison, but more on him in future posts).  James came to visit us multiple times every week that first year especially.  We always had gardening, canning, fencing, etc. questions.  So, I asked him about buying a pair of boots, but I did it like we "ask" so many of our questions, less about his opinion and more about supporting mine.  I showed him an ad with a $30 special on a pair of boots at one of the box stores in Florence, Alabama where we did most of our shopping.  I expected him to agree with me and thereby support my good decision making.  His response stayed with me.

          "Thirty dollar boots will be the most expensive boots you will ever buy!" 

          He let it sink in and gently reminded me I'd be replacing them every year.  You do get what you pay for.

          For the first time in my life I made a purchase that at the time seemed almost reckless where expense was involved.  I studied catalogs (no internet back then) and ordered from a company I had barely heard of, L. L. Bean.  The boots cost @$100 and lasted over 10 years until my feet actually outgrew them (don't ask me, probably more joy from having totally flat feet).  I had them resoled once and the shoe man told me these were a real pair of boots. 

          If you're wondering, yes, the lesson sunk in.  We owned a Troy Bilt Tiller, a Garden Way cart, and good tools most of which we still have.  We sold the cart and tiller when we moved to Germany.  Wish we had them now!

To be continued....

Please Excuse the Sermon

          I haven't written for quite a while, at least anything finished for publication, but I am working on a series of trips Pam and I have been on centered mostly around our love of walking/hiking.  Those should start soon.  In the meantime, I will risk "preaching" a little about an issue that affects us all and truly bothers me: online rudeness.  I know this isn't a world shaking problem, but I tend to view pieces as part of some greater whole.  Rudeness in any area is unacceptable, and worse, it's counterproductive.  If you wish to make a point by ridiculing or even threatening someone, the "discussion" will quickly become a fight rather than an opportunity to share different points of view.  However, the deeper problem I see from such internet communication, usually on special interest bulletin boards, is that people become emboldened by the supportive comments they receive from like thinkers and further convince themselves of the "rightness" of their cause/belief/desire. 

          In junior high school (maybe before), I learned I couldn't say just anything to just anybody because some of them would be too hurt or some would make me too hurt!  "Say that to my face" was a common dare if you heard that someone was trashing you behind your back.  And, sadly, people did then and continue to talk behind folk's backs because we almost always get an appreciative audience.  The internet has made all of us "public speakers."  We all have an audience with just a few typed lines, and the larger audiences seem to collect around the rudest, most abusive posters.  Just like the local tv news centers on negative actions in our communities and the loudest, most extreme politicians get prime time coverage, rudeness seems to pay.  What does it tell us when national news broadcasts need a special "finally" segment about some positive deed/doer?  I fear all slippery slopes, and blasting folks from the safety of a keyboard in our homes is very slippery!  I end this "sermon" with a saying I try to live by:

Anonymity should never replace the need for civility.

With respect,

Rick