Suggestion 3: The Worry Wagon

This topic has been an amazing revelation to me.  I assumed when I retired from a very stressful job teaching middle school, most of my worries would be gone.  I was wrong.  Oh, my everyday school stresses were over, and that was wonderful, especially at the beginning when the feeling was so alien.  I felt free.  Then I discovered the Worry Wagon.

We have so many things beyond our control that add stress to our lives, but it is crucial to understand the nature of most worries: personal responsibility.  While I was working, I felt responsible for my students achieving their highest possible levels.  I felt responsible for keeping parents informed and involved.  I felt responsible for cooperating with coworkers.  I felt responsible for doing what the boss(es) said.  These were serious concerns that took most of my time.  I didn’t want to let any one of these groups down.  It is logical to assume when the job ended, the worries would be diminished by that amount.  And they were---for about a month.

I remember a phone conversation about a year ago with my brother-in-law, Jim, in which he suggested I must be through with stress and/or worries.  That’s when I realized the existence of the Worry Wagon.  I was just as stressed/worried as I had been all my years of teaching.  The point is I believe we all have a certain capacity for carrying worries around, and since we take them everywhere with us, I label this the Worry Wagon.  Things I wouldn’t have worried about before because I was just too busy now had room in my wagon. 

And I’ve decided that’s okay.  It took most of three years and included a few moments of feeling disappointment over this revelation, but I know myself better now---it will always be my nature to fill that wagon.  I will always feel responsible because I choose to.  

Following our own advice is often the hardest course.  Several years ago, a mother of one of my 6^th graders in Heidelberg Middle School on the base there in Germany, asked me in a conference to talk to her daughter about being less sensitive, not keeping her feelings on her sleeve.  I know she thought it a reasonable request, especially considering how positive my relationship was with her daughter.  I still recall the momentary surprise when I immediately refused.  I asked her if she would prefer a daughter unaffected by the moods, wants, and needs of others.  You can’t have it both ways---someone who cares and someone who is invulnerable.  Where else do we need to keep our feelings?  What does an empty wagon tell you?

Like the first two suggestions in this blog, I do not pretend to have words that will prevent similar events to occur for anyone else, only to warn of their likelihood.  It would have helped me to hear/read these words; hope it helps you.